A Few Words From My Heart

Life is an achingly beautiful thing. I still have so much to learn about this thing we call 'life', but at the same time in my 20 years of being on this earth, I have learned a thing or two. I have been through my fair share of life experiences - often at times people would say to me "Shan, you've been through more than anyone your age should ever have to deal with." This confused me. Were they feeling sorry for me? Were they angry at the cards I was dealt? Or were they amazed at how a girl like me - sensitive yet occasionally impassive, completely confident and outgoing, yet at times riddled with insecurities and a strong need to be alone - could have been through so much and yet still come out on the other side, slightly broken, but not completely shattered? Were they surprised that after being let down so many times, I was still quick to trust and forgive? Were they surprised when they realized that I still had my sense of humor as well as my faith? They were all expecting me to be bitter and broken. And I was anything but.

You see, this statement confused me because every single thing I have been through has made me into the person that I am today. Did I hate the times of hurt, confusion, disappointment and grief? Absolutely. Was it nice to have to deal with it all? Of course not. Would I change any of it if I could? Make it all go away? No. Not even for a second. I am grateful for every circumstance that I have been in, for it is these times that have brought me closer to God, strengthened my unbreakable bond with my family and shown me who I am capable of becoming.

In my life, I've experienced some not-so-nice times - but who hasn't? But I have also had the most phenomenally amazing times! I have been blessed beyond measure, I have a family that love and support me, I am strong and driven and I would not change this life for absolutely anything.

As mentioned before, I still have so much left to learn, but if I could give my 9 year old/16 year old/18 year old self some life tips, this is what I'd say to her...

• Chocolate milk usually makes everything better, but it's not going to do anything for that little belly you're so concerned about.

• Start exercising regularly now. There are going to be so many times where you're going to wish you had started earlier.

• As cliche as it may be, everything really does happen for a reason.

• Being tired can really cause you to over-think and over-react. Get some sleep and then face it when you're not so tired.

• People make their own choices and they need to suffer their own consequences. You cannot save them all.

• With this being said, don't ever just give up on someone.

• Writing helps. Sit down and just put pen to paper. You'd be amazed at how easily the words come.

• Cutting someone out of your life for the purpose of self-preservation is not selfish. Even if it is your own mother.

• Watch bad reality TV. Stop taking things so seriously.

• Don't be afraid to dream. Be afraid of laziness.

• Not all things need to be shared or said out loud. Some people - but very few - really do care, others are just looking for a way to make themselves feel better about their own situations.

• Don't bottle shit up. It'll affect you later on when you're least expecting it.

• Sleep with socks on. You'll fall asleep faster and won't wake so many times in the night.

• Not everyone mourns the death of a person the same way that you do, but this is not to say that they're hurting any less than you are.

• Use Bio-Oil every night before bed.

• Shower with slops on when at school or varsity.

• Dance. Just dance. I know you feel silly doing it, but look around you, none of them are that great at it either, now are they?

• Spend time alone. You need to get to know yourself before. It is so important to know who you are.

• Give people permission to be human.

• Never apologise for being emotional. You have the right to feel everything in the way that you do - no one can ever hold that against you.

And to end off, one of the most beautiful things in life is the fact that it truly does go on...