Because I'm a Hot Pot of Rice and I Don't Need No Side Dish

{To The Boys Mentioned In This Post - If You Ever Read This, I'm Sorry. Kind Of. Not Really.} 

 

 

I've been single my entire life. There was this one skinny, mousey-brown haired boy back in Grade 9 though. I was convinced he was my everything - I even managed to look past the world's worst case of acne that he possessed and I held his had through the mall like I had a clue about life. We dated for 3 months. It was the kind of relationship where I scribbled his name all over my worksheets and he walked the 7km's from his school to mine every odd Friday or so. I physically cannot look back on that relationship without cringing - I was 15 and dumb and we were dumb and everything about that dumb relationship was dumb, therefore, I refuse to consider it a relationship.

And so, with that being said...

20 years and 2 months I've been riding the single train and it doesn't look like I'm about to jump off any time soon. The friend that always gives the best relationship advice but is still single? Yup. That would be me. I'm your girl, just holla at me and I'll come running. 

I never dated in High School. I was far too concerned with my school work than looking like an idiot by posting "Happy 13 days Babe" Facebook statuses. I had this idea that when I got to University, I would meet someone and it would be wonderful and he'd walk me to my lectures and we'd get coffee together and all would be right in the world. How did that turn out for me you may ask? Well I met a boy (alright, alright, off to a good start we are). He was in First Year just like me, he laughed at my jokes, we both had mutual friends and things seemed promising. A few days later he asked me out for ice cream - cute, right? Well we got our ice creams, he inhaled his in about 0.09 seconds and after patiently waiting for me to finish mine, he took my hand in his. Somehow, he managed to get ice cream all over his hands and so there I walked, with my poor little hand imprisoned in his grubby and sticky paw. It was awful but not wanting to offend him just after he'd spent a whopping R6 on me and my soft serve, I said nothing. The date came to an abrupt end after I could not help but make some excuse about how it was late (it was 8:30pm) and how I had a lot of work to do (I didn't). What caused this sudden bout of excuse making on my part you may ask? Agh, I don't know. It may or may not have had something to do with the fact that his mother called him 4 times in the space of 20 minutes while I was with him.

While at a 21st about 2 weeks ago, I met another boy. 

We probably exchanged 15 and a half words before he left. The next morning one of our mutual friends approached me explaining how this boy wanted my number and would it be alright if he contacted me. Unsure, I said "Alright, I'm totes fine with that" (I panic in these situations, OK?).

What followed was 2 SMS's, 3 Whatsapps and a phone call - all in the space of about 30 minutes of me saying that he could contact me. I'm sorry but could someone else please find this creepy so that I don't feel like a complete bitch? It's just as well that I ignored him, because the following night I happened to see him running around with a turban on his head. Yes, I know, I thank God I dodged that one too.

There's also a boy back home that's declared his undying love for me. We've been friends for longer than I can count and my entire family Clauds thinks we would be perfect together. He wants a relationship and I've never felt more awkward about a situation. We are so completely different and he also has untidy handwriting - deal breaker, right? So I rejected this poor soul and went on my merry way. Not a day goes by without him messaging me and me cringing in response. Clauds demands to know why I won't just give this guy a chance. Apparently "I'm just not into him" is not a good enough excuse for me breaking her heart and shattering her dreams of having this poor boy as her son-in-law. I know that she is only joking and we have a good laugh about it all, but what follows are real life conversations:

Clauds: Shan I think you should just try. Just see what it's like for a little while. He's so sweet.

Me: But I really don't want to.

Dillyn: What's going on?

Me: Clauds wants me to date he who shall not be named and I don't think it's a good idea.

Dillyn: I think it's a great idea!

Me: No.

Clauds and Dillyn: YES!!

Dillyn: Shan I think your parents are just worried that if you don't take this oppouritnity, then you might be like this forever.

Me: What do you mean "like this forever"??

Dillyn: Well.... *him and Clauds now exchange a knowing look. You know... Single forever.

Me: YOU GUYS! I've only just turned 20! It's not like my biological clock is ticking away.

The thing is, I have always been a hopeless romantic. I love the idea of love and I can't wait to be a wife and mom. But I refuse to settle. I am not just going to get into a relationship for the sake of being in one. I have seen far too many relationships fail and if I'm going to be in one, I am going to be serious about it, I am going to be committed to it and I am going to be devoted to it. I am only 20. I am having so much fun living a care-free life and I know that when the time comes for me to be in a relationship, God will place the right man on my path and things will work out the way that He intends for them to. And besides, I kind of like only having to worry about myself for now.

Clauds has given up her hopes and dreams of me dating he who shall not be named. Now she just sends me these pictures instead:

I know. She's hilarious and I adore her.