WHY I ACT

Before I start, I'd like to warn you all that this is a long one - 10 points to you if you make it to the end ;) While it is a rather long post, it's completely from my heart, so please do enjoy!

We all have those certain activities that are our go-to escapisms for when we're feeling down, when we're stressed or when we just need to get away from the world for a little while. These things may very well be what makes us happiest in life. For some of us it may be curling up in bed and losing yourself in a good book, while for others it may be going for a run, cuddling up with you baby girl, plugging in your ear phones, blaring your music or even baking. For me, it has always, always been acting. Acting in any shape or form (except for dance, that is).

When I was a little girl my parents divorced and I had to deal with everything that comes with it. As the eldest of three children, I stepped up and became my siblings' confidant and for a long time I didn't acknowledge my own feelings of hurt and anger. In hindsight I can see that acting - not in the theatrical form - was my coping mechanism. I became the 'class clown'. I was always the one making everyone laugh and providing entertainment. This, combined with my natural sense of humor, quickly became a way for me to ignore the awful realities of what was going on around me. I would rather crack a joke and laugh along than sit down and tell someone how much I was really aching. I learned to laugh at myself - something I think is very important in life.

As I got older, I confronted my anger and my heartbreak and I was slowly able to deal with old feelings. I was able to work through the divorce and I became at peace with it. As I have matured, I have realized that the divorce was necessary and beneficial for everyone involved, and as odd as this may sound, I am so glad that my parents did divorce.

While the act of bottling up my feeling disappeared, my love for performing remained. I discovered my love and passion for theatrical performance in 2007 and you can read more about that over here. I then studied Drama throughout High School and it seemed only natural to everyone around me that I study Theatre further once I completed school. I applied to the top Drama University in South Africa in April of 2012 and my heart was full of joy when I was accepted. Drama and Psychology would be my two majors - with my career rooted in Psychology.

I couldn't be happier. Everything was going so well until I learned that the first Semester would be Movement. I previously explained my utter fear for Dance and Movement here and just how I overcame that fear over here.

Last week I arrived back at Uni for the second and final semester of the year and with it, in place of Movement, came Theatre Making. I was excited for this new course, new tutors and new experiences. I was grateful that I had overcome my fear of Movement and I was optimistic and ready for this course as it was something I felt that I could finally do and do it well.

This afternoon we had our first 2 hour session with our lovely tutor who possess a passion for acting, an eagerness to help and encourage and at the same time, a 'don't mess me around attitude.' We were thrown in the deep end and were instructed to do various performances. I was naturally nervous as I had never acted in front of these people - for the last 6 months I had been rolling around the floor trying not to look like a beached whale and then calling it 'dance'. At the end of the prac session our tutor pointed me out and complimented me on what I had done. I cannot tell you how much her words encouraged me, how great they made me feel and how desperately I needed to hear them. For 6 months I had been pursing my passion but I was not enjoying it. I felt that I was awful at it and I was doubting my choice to study Drama as well as my ability and to hear the words "You. You are really great and I can see that. I like it" really picked me up and made me believe in myself again.

So what's the point of this loooong story you may ask? Basically I just wanted to tell you to keep doing what you love. Keep doing what makes you happy and don't ever give it up just because you're doubting yourself and your abilities. Don't do it for recognition or from a place of expectation from others, but do it for YOU and because it makes YOU happy. One other thing - keep in mind the power your words have over a person. For 6 months I was feeling despondent and was filled with self-doubt and one sentence made me believe that what I was doing was worthwhile. Keep that in mind next time you open up those pretty little mouths of yours :)

Right, I think I've said more than enough so that'll be all from me!

x