183 Down, 183 To Go

I fear I may have failed at being a blogger with regards to this post. I wrote this post just under a month ago and I had every intention to publish it on the 2nd of July. Well, it turns out July 2nd landed in the middle of my mid-year holiday - I was far too busy soaking up some quality time with family and friends to remember this baby waiting for me in my drafts. So you'll have to forgive me. You'll also have to just go along with me and pretend that while you're reading this, it is indeed the 2nd of July. Things work out the way they're meant to, really. Because had I posted this on the 2nd of July, I wouldn't have been able to include this really poetic photo of myself being all reflectivey and what what...

Today, July 2nd, marks the middle of 2015. Yip, that's right. Today we are officially half way through the year. Every time I make a remark about how quickly the time is going by, I sound like my Gran. I'm still trying to decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Today I thought I'd take stock of the last 183 days. In the midst of all my day dreaming about the future, one of the things I love to do is reflect on what has been.

So far, this year has been pretty spectacular. And I've got to be honest, at the beginning of January I would never have thought so. As horrible as this sounds, I was pretty much setting myself up for a terrible year. You see, I knew that this year was not going to be like all the others. This was the year that I turned 21 and it was to be my last year at Rhodes. This year began with a whole lot of uncertainty. I knew that I would have to make some big decisions regarding next year and where to live and do my Post Grad and although that came with much excitement, it brought about a whole lot of nerves as well. Slowly but surely things are falling into place and not a day goes by that I'm not reminded that God's got this all figured out.

In all honesty, at the beginning of this year, I didn't want to return to Rhodes. I mean, the desire not to come back wasn't strong enough to consider transferring - I think that would be silly to do in the last year of my degree. I wouldn't say I'm unhappy here, because I'm not. I have amazing friends and life is so, so good here. I take this place and my current lifestyle for granted. I know that it will only be once I've left that I'll fully realise how great both Rhodes and Grahamstown is. There has just always been this little part of me that knows it's meant to be somewhere else. I think the thought of going into Res for a third year was a massive contributor to my not wanting to come back. Well, we all know how that turned out. Remember how I went from thinking on the Monday that I was going back into Res, finding out on the Tuesday that God had other plans, scouring our kitchen for extra coffee cups and cheese graters on the Wednesday and then moving into my first apartment on the Thursday? What an absolute whirlwind. I can't tell you how good it has been for me to be in this little home. I'm so glad things worked out the way they did. I'm so much happier and I've really been able to enjoy this year. I didn't want to look back on my last year at Rhodes with a deep-seated sadness. This year is turning out to be my most favourite of all the three, and I couldn't be more grateful that that's the case.

This year I made a promise to my body. I promised I would start taking better care of her. I promised I would find a way for my soul to learn to love her again. This wasn't the first time I'd made these promises or have my number 1 New Year's Resolution be to lose weight and get healthy. Well, I'm just peaches and cream pleased to say that for the first time I've managed to keep these promises. Allow me to blow my own horn, toot my own trumpet - whatever your preferred saying is - for just a moment... In January I began watching what I ate and started Banting. My starting weight was 75kg's and today I weigh 58kg's. That's 17 kilograms down and I couldn't love my body more if I tried. I feel so much more confident in myself and I think that's the most beautiful realisation of them all. It stopped becomming all about the number on the scale a while ago, and more about where my heart was at. I did it, you guys. I didn't think I could, but here I am spending every last cent in my bank account on new clothes because none of the old ones fit. #littlebitofacatch22

Friends. Oh my, this is a difficult one for me. It's difficult for a couple of reasons, and here's why. Firstly, all my friends from home are, for the most part, strangers now. I mean, living in a farming community that is as tiny as mine is essentially means that you have four friends - three if you're excluding the group labrador, kind of thing. We all just seem to be going our own ways. It happens when you get older, doesn't it? All of a sudden the people that were present throughout your whole childhood develop into their own person and all of a sudden that person doesn't fit with your person, and then what? I thought I had really strong relationships with these people in January. Come July, I realise how quickly those relationships can fizzle out (and in all honesty, how necessary it is that some of them do fizzle out). Call me selfish, but if life's taught me a thing or two, it's that you've got to have your own back. You've got to let go of people that bring you down and are unable to see your - or even their - worth.
The second reason that this one is a bit difficult for me goes like this... The friends I have here at Rhodes are just the bee's knees. They're incredible, you guys. I've never felt more loved by a bunch of people (with the exception of my family, my family thinks I'm pretty incredible #winning). The memories we've made, the road trips we've taken, the laughs we've shared. It's the kind of stuff that people make movies out of. You know those typical American college movies? I'm telling you that's us - only our story is a bazillion times better. We've honestly just has the most incredible time.
So, if life is so great, why is this a difficult one for me? Well, because like all seasons in life, this one is coming to an end in about four months. Come November, I'm going to have to say goodbye to these people. Yes, we'll still try and keep in contact. No, we'll never forget one another. Yes, we'll plan holidays together. Blah, blah, blah. We'll say whatever needs to be said in order to convince ourselves that nothing will change. And I know I'm really wearing my Negative Nancy cap right now, but this is a reality. Although Grahamstown holds us together, when our journey is over in this little town we'll go back to being spread not only across the country, but the entire world. You know, sometimes if I'm left alone with with my thoughts for too long I ask myself whether it's really worth investing in these people if the end is imminent? I know I can't look at it this way. So I'm making the most of every moment we have together and praying that God allows these goodbyes to be easier than I imagine them to be.

Family. Sweet, sweet family. They're great. I think collectively we're all having a much better year than 2014. Liam is talking so much more and OHMYGOSH I love him. He is just so, so cute. I know I may be a little biased, but man my heart can't even handle him sometimes. In the last couple of years when I've had to leave for Grahamstown he's been too little to realise what was going on. But now he's old enough to know what is happening and it breaks my heart. Every morning when I'm home he comes into my room to wake me up. He hops into bed and allows me to snuggle him for all of 30 seconds before demanding that we go and play. Just the other day before I left to go back to Grahamstown to write exams, Clauds mentioned that we need to start explaining to him that I was leaving again. The day before I left I spent the whole day telling him that I was going "back to school" and did he understand that? He'd say yes and then scrunch his face up and say "Baba cryyyy". Ah my heart. From his response we were pretty convinced he was prepped. The next morning I left way before he awoke and half way to Grahamstown Clauds sent me a Whatsapp saying "Liam woke up this morning, walked to your room and said 'Mom, me 'ake Nanny up.'" I couldn't be more grateful that next year we don't need to say goodbye anymore.

This year I'm learning so much about everything - life, struggles, inflation, love, waiting, working hard, forgiveness. January through to June, thank you for being so good to me. Thank you for being gentle. I cannot wait to see what the rest of this sweet year brings!