My Plans for 2016

About three and a half years ago I made the decision to apply to Rhodes University. I've known since I was a little girl that I would make a career in the Psychology field, and so deciding what to study was never a difficult decision that I had to make. I applied to Stellenbosch and Tuks as well and I was happier than a fat kid in Carlo's Bakery when I received acceptance letters from all three universities. The application process, the excitement of getting accepted, the waiting for residence allocations and the hours spent day dreaming about what life would be like - as cliche as this is going to sound - all seemed to have happened only yesterday. I still find it difficult to believe that I am in my final year of my degree.

Now I am faced with more decision making. I am no stranger to change - not in the slightest. Nothing really seems to happen subtly in my life. Go big or go home, right? I mean, just look at the way in which I came to live on my own for the first time. At the end of this year my life is going to change completely. I'm faced with so many choices regarding next year - I could go anywhere and do whatever my heart desires. For some, having so much choice may seem overwhelming. For me, most days, it is. It's only June, why am I thinking about next year already? Well, I need to start completing application forms for my post grad, organising where I'm going to live, begin looking for a job, etc. If the way that these last few months have flown by is any indication of what is to come, I'm going to find myself in 2016 before I believe it.

If I think about what next year will bring, I get so excited yet nervous at the same time simply because I have no idea how things are going to play out. I am, however, a big, big believer that things happen for a reason and that everything will work out the way it should. I'm not 100% certain of what next year looks like for me just yet, but I do know what I want to do...

I do know that I want to further my studies in Psychology. Getting my Honours and Masters in counselling psychology is important to me.

I do know that I want to be closer to home. (I should probably mention that when I say I want to go home, I don't mean moving back in with my parents. I'm simply referring to moving back to KZN).

I do know that I want to get a job and begin being more financially independent. 

I do know that I want to be somewhere where I can really get plugged into a Church and get back that fellowship that I've been craving for the last three years.

I do know that I do not want to stay at Rhodes.

I have so many reasons behind each of these desires. They've been on my heart for a while. Furthering my studies in Psych is vital if I want to be successful and if I want to practice counselling psychology. I've always wanted to be a wife, a homemaker and a stay at home mom (the feminists hate me). But I know that realistically I cannot rely on someone else to financially support me in life (especially not if there's no "someone else" in the picture just yet). I know how important it is for me to have an income and to be able to earn my own living, and so I will be doing my Honours in Psych next year. 

I want to be closer to home for so many reasons. Whenever I tell people this I am often faced with a reaction along the lines of "why on earth would you want to move back home? Don't you want to spread your wings?" Many of my friends' first goal out of school was to get as far away from home as possible. Not me. Anyone that knows me knows that I am a complete homebody and I am my family's biggest fan. 

What is home for me? I live in a small community in KZN. We live on a farm that has been in my family for over 100 years and my entire extended family lives not more than 12km's from one another. I have grown up with the people in my community and life is just so, so good back home. I adore my family and it hurts being away from them. I mean, I have a two year old brother who is the absolute light of my life, and for his entire life we've been saying hello and goodbye more than my heart can handle. Liam had been home for just two weeks before I packed up my bags and said goodbye for the first time. I'm done with missing out on his life. Clauds and I are best friends, we do everything together and we lean on each other a lot. My Dad, that man is incredible. I draw my strength from him and he's just so funny. My grandparents - they aren't going to be around forever. It just doesn't make sense for me to continue saying goodbye to the best things in my life when I don't need to anymore.

I know not everyone can identify with what I'm saying (I wish more people could), but returning home is important for me. Most people go away to university to try and "find themselves", to "create themselves". I thought I was going to do this, too. The only thing I found out about myself was that I had already created myself. I had known who I was, what I stood for and what I wanted out of life for a long time before I came to university. Going away to university simply reminded me of all of that. Being closer to home for my post grad was something I've known I wanted to do since my first year at Rhodes. I've been constantly praying about it all. The sense that God was encouraging me to head back home was reiterated when I had a conversation with my Dad about it all a couple of months ago...

We have a stunning second home that we've been renting out for the last couple of years. My Dad asked me what my plans were for next year and when I mentioned that I wanted to be closer to home he let me know that the lease for the house was coming to an end at the end of this year. This means the tenants will be moving out just as I would be moving back home - God's timing or what? He explained how it would be ideal if I moved in there as it would just be sitting there, and I mean it really would be ideal. I would be closer to the family, yet I would still be an hour an a half away from the farm. It's really the best of both worlds as I will still be able to have my independence and my own little life, but I'll be closer to the family. 

My brother, Nic, is in High School about 10km from the house - it'll be nice for the both of us to be a bit closer to one another for his final two years of school. Because my parents live on the farm I can help out with the lifts when Nic comes home or watch his sports matches if they can't make it. I'm excited to make their lives a little easier for them. Because we live out in the sticks, Clauds has to do her grocery shopping and Liam's doctor appointments in town and so she'll be popping in at least once a week. If I ever feel the desire to get back to the farm for a bit, I can do just that. Flip the thought of not being a ten hour drive away from home is just too good. 

Rhodes has been good to me, but I'm done with her. I've known for a long time that my time here is just a season and I'm excited to wrap it all up. She's taught me more than I could have ever imagined and I've loved my time here. I just don't think my heart would be being pulled back home so strongly if I were meant to stay here. 

So for now, that's my heart on the matter. I'm not sure what exactly will happen, but if I'm honest I know in my heart that I will end up in that sweet home of ours, creating a life for myself and heading back to the farm every now and again to see the people that mean the most to me. I'm trying my hardest to give it all to Him and to let things pan out the way they're meant to. Thankfully Honours applications only open in August so I don't have to spend too much time thinking about it all now.