PS - I'm Still Fat

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So this is where I am at. Much like the rest of the world, my New Year's resolution is to get fit, healthy and skinny. Yup, I said it. Skinny. Too many people I know are unhappy with their weight and use the line "I just want to be healthier" instead of admitting that in actual fact they just want a damn thigh gap. I know this. I know this because this was me not too long ago.

I am unhappy with my body. I feel fat. I feel disgusting and when I stand in front of a full length mirror, I don't like what I see. I want to be able to strut around the beach during Summer feeling comfortable in my cozzie. I want to be able to go on my usual run without having to stop every minute to make sure I'm not coughing up a flippen lung. I just want to have the confidence that my 20 year old self deserves. No longer will I pretend that I'm happy with my body, because I am not. And more importantly, no longer will I simply complain about being fat and not do anything about it.

I'm eating properly. I'm exercising daily. I'm drinking water, and a lot of it. But I'm also struggling. I just want to stuff my face with Simba chips and I want those two sugars to make their way back into my tea and I just want to spend my entire life eating, eating, eating. I want to go for a run without feeling pathetic because having to stop so often blatantly shows me how disgustingly unfit I am. I also don't feel like I'm making much progress, which is disheartening.

So this is what's going to happen - I'm starting PROPERLY and SERIOUSLY from today. I ate well today, I did an hour of pilates and some spinning and I recorded my weight. I have taken a "before" photo, although I'm simply not brave enough to share that with you all right now. My prayer is that one day I'll have a beautiful "after" photo of a young, confident and healthy girl who never gave up to share with you all.

Next Friday, I'm going to post a happier post with less hatred towards my body (which is beautiful, no matter it's size) as well as a recording of how much I've lost throughout the next seven days. I'm going to do this guys, you'll see...