I Have My Shit Together (for today at least)
I'm feeling really great today. I'm singing out loud, I'm bouncing around our little house and I'm just feeling so, so good.
Today I'm feeling so good for all of these reasons above, but there's something else as well. It's this feeling that is somewhat difficult to explain. It's not tangible and it's almost new to me. Today I feel like an adult. I feel as though my life has some direction and that I'm coping. For the last couple of years, I've felt burdened by this pressure to be an adult, to be responsible and to be... capable. I've felt like I'm constantly striving to prove to people that I can do it - whatever 'it' may be. I placed such high expectations on myself, and when I didn't meet them I felt like the whole world thought I was a failure. I've always been independent, capable and responsible. I don't know where this sense of doubt came from, but it's been hanging over my head for the last couple of years.
Today, that sense of doubt is gone. I feel in control of my life, I feel like I'm doing a pretty fantastic job at it all in fact. Things are working out for me and are falling into place. Today I feel blessed to be 21 and have a sense of confidence in what I stand for, what I'm doing with my present and what my future holds. Man, it feels good to be here today.
Yesterday was a public holiday, and so we've got today off. No lectures, no meetings and no need to wear proper pants.
The sweet sound of Ben Howard has been playing all morning.
My digsmate Emma left the sweetest, funniest note in our kitchen for me to find when I woke up this morning.
The digsmates are out working on assignments with their partners, so I'm home alone for a little while.
My room is tidy. My floors are swept and mopped. My bathroom shelves have been cleaned and organised and my desk has been straightened.
The flat smells of fresh oranges and lemons and the sun shine is pouring in through our windows for the first time in weeks.
I have a lot of work to do for both Anthropology as well as Research Psychology, but I'm feeling confident that I'll get it all done soon enough.
Today I'm feeling so good for all of these reasons above, but there's something else as well. It's this feeling that is somewhat difficult to explain. It's not tangible and it's almost new to me. Today I feel like an adult. I feel as though my life has some direction and that I'm coping. For the last couple of years, I've felt burdened by this pressure to be an adult, to be responsible and to be... capable. I've felt like I'm constantly striving to prove to people that I can do it - whatever 'it' may be. I placed such high expectations on myself, and when I didn't meet them I felt like the whole world thought I was a failure. I've always been independent, capable and responsible. I don't know where this sense of doubt came from, but it's been hanging over my head for the last couple of years.
Today, that sense of doubt is gone. I feel in control of my life, I feel like I'm doing a pretty fantastic job at it all in fact. Things are working out for me and are falling into place. Today I feel blessed to be 21 and have a sense of confidence in what I stand for, what I'm doing with my present and what my future holds. Man, it feels good to be here today.
And you are one truly unbelievable adult x
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