The Last Three Months

I have a love-hate relationship with the fact that you never really know where life is going to take you. Over the last three months or so I have taken a somewhat unplanned break from social media and from this blog. In all honesty, I just about checked out from everything besides my family what was going on at home.

I can't tell you how good it was to spend the days getting to know myself again and being drawn back to what is important to me. Essentially, I had a three month long date with myself. I got to know myself again slowly, unobtrusively. Not only did I get to check in with myself and return to myself, so to speak, but a few other exciting things took place as well...

Liam turned two. It was so good to celebrate 24 precious months of having that little guy in our lives.

I was contacted by the South African Bone Marrow Registry and was informed that I was a match! I placed my name on the registry in 2011 and felt so honored and excited to be able to do my bit. I underwent a series of additional blood tests and I'm expecting a phone call any day now to let me know if I'm an exact match and whether I can continue on this process of helping fight The Big C or not.

I opened up a fresh, crisp and empty journal and began writing letters to God for the first time in ages. My relationship with the Lord is so important to me but somehow life always seems to get in the way of my maintaining that relationship. It just feels so right to have been reminded that He loves me more than my pain, my failures, my struggles and my distance from Him and then to be acting out in that knowledge. Speaking of journaling, I bought the most beautiful Thoughts and Reflections Journal from Typo. It has a prompt for everyday for three years. Each day I sit down and reflect on the prompt or answer the questions. In the years to come I'll be able to answer the same prompt for the day and see how my answers have changed or even remained the same. I'm all for a bit of reflection and am obsessed with writing things down.

I turned 21. I have struggled with mixed emotions concerning this big old milestone. I'm so excited to have reached adulthood, but at the same time I'm overcome with doubts and fears. I worry that I don't have everything figured out and under control at this stage of my life and that frustrates me. I sometimes worry that I'm not where I'm meant to be (where, exactly is that?) and lately I've really felt that I have to prove myself to almost everyone. I feel as though I have to prove to people that I'm capable, that I'm responsible and that I'm strong. I'm learning to be easier on myself. I'm reminding myself that your 20s are your years to grow and learn and make mistakes. I'm aware that some of the most incredible people I know have reached and passed 21 a long, long time ago and they still don't really know what's going on, let alone have all the answers.

And possibly the most exciting thing of all - I finally moved into my own sweet little home! The whole journey has been a completely unexpected whirlwind that has left me feeling completely frazzled but even more blessed. This time last week I was planning to return to Varsity and begin my final year of my degree whilst still living in the university's Residence. Well you know how they say that when you make plans God laughs? God's been having a good giggle lately and I can't wait to share all about it with you very soon!

As mentioned above, I have begun my third and final year of my degree. I was so looking forward to getting back and to finally starting the academic year. I'm only taking two subjects this year - my two majors; Psychology and Anthropology. It's definitely so much more exciting to be focusing solely on my two majors instead of doing four subjects like I have been for the last two years. I cannot believe that I'm in my final year and that I'm 8 short months away from having a degree behind my name. I'm not too sure what the future holds (lately I've been learning not to set my heart too steadily on my own plans) but I do know that I would like to do my Honours and Masters in Psychology. I don't know that I want to do that here at Rhodes. I love this place and this little town has crept into my heart more than I am actually aware of, but I do feel in my heart that at the end of this year it'll definitely be time to move on. Where I will land up, I'm yet to know. Right now I'm just trying to soak up the here and the beautiful, beautiful now.

Life is so great right now and I feel so blessed to be able to share it with every single one of you reading this. I want to thank you for sticking by my side, for returning to this place even when I don't post anything for 3 months and for allowing me to unashamedly share my life with you.